Having started 2013 asking the year to be kind and gentle to us I have fallen into reviewing the years progress and taking time to reflect on how Team Lloyd are coping at the end of each month. January and February have seen us start to lift our heads whilst we walk this journey into finding a “new normal”. I have to say March almost caught me out. Sitting over our rather yummy Easter Day roast it suddenly dawned on us all that tomorrow is April. April 1st in fact.
So March, again I am so pleased to report that we are plodding through at a pace that Team Lloyd are pleased with, there are several decisions on the horizon but Daddy Lloyd and I feel in a position to be able to approach these decisions in a positive manner and not be over awed by the sense of change. We almost feel ready to make them (I, however do note that might be a false sense of ‘ready’ because we are back in our save haven of being shut away at home during the school holidays and it being the Easter Bank Holiday weekend).
Spring we have continued to be expecting you, but we have had some fun in the snow, B Lloyd getting to make more snowman for Father Christmas to pick and use for this years run up to December (if you have never read Mr Snow you really must!) Daddy Lloyd and I even got to experience snow in New York City, definitely something to see!
Our trip to the USA gave me much time to ponder and reflect and it was not far from my thoughts that had Harry Lloyd been strong enough to have survived the neonatal period there would have been no way I would have been able to accompany Daddy Lloyd on his trip. We were told that with Harry Lloyd’s Cystic Fibrosis and bowel condition I would have to give up all work and social life to have cared for him, we certainly would not have been able to fly him to America. On the days I spent gazing at some marvellous views I spent time alone thanking Harry Lloyd for allowing all of us in Team Lloyd to be able to continue to live our lives without having to watch him suffer in pain. It is like a bitter sweetness, because as wonderful as it was to see those sights, my arms ached from where I wish I was cuddling our 5 month old son.
I guess deep down I feel like we owe it to Harry Lloyd to live our lives to the fullest and know that he is there with us, watching.
Today as we sat down to our roast, we clinked glasses saying “happy easter” with Nanna and Grandad. A small little voice just pipes up
“If Harry was here, he would be sat at the other end of the table, wouldn’t he Mummy” 4 adult hearts swelled and cried, but 4 adults all smiled at B Lloyd and said “yes he would be” Again I marvel at looking at the world through B Lloyd’s eyes, I adore her innocence and for wanting to talk about her brother. I can see how far we have come even from Christmas.
A further clink of glasses was heard for our beautiful angel.