So have you noticed our new look? You might not have, and I really don’t mind if you haven’t but for me there are some very important changes that have happened. Last Wednesday was hard. Actually that word doesn’t do the day justice. It wasn’t just hard it was painful, it was heart wrenching and the small ball of grief that sits on my chest daily, just grew throughout the day until it was all encompassing bubble just below the surface ready to burst. I had gotten through the whole day with a false smile on my face and pretended to everyone that I was indeed extremely excited that it was my birthday. It will come to no surprise to anyone that by 9pm I was ready to explode.
And explode I did. At poor Daddy Lloyd.
I poured out all the pent up emotion that had started surfacing the week before as anger and I sobbed so hard I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to stop. I wasn’t sure I was even able to breath at times. I told Daddy Lloyd of the things that are hurting me the most, some of the hurt (intentionally or otherwise) is coming from places I really rather it wasn’t. But it is and I was keeping this from Daddy Lloyd, a mistake that is just too costly. The reasons for this are for another day though.
So talking with Daddy Lloyd we have decided we are ready to start writing more about Harry Lloyd, and to do this we wanted to dedicate an area of the blog to him, as well as to the ways I am finding to cope with all this grief. I’m hoping to be able to give an honest and open account of our journey. I am hoping that one day Daddy Lloyd will be able to blog a bit too. It was supposed to be our journey into a family of 4 and our adventures along the way.
Now it is our journey as a family grieving the loss our son, picking up the pieces of our broken hearts, but finding the strength to still be going on adventures along the way.