One Week On 23

Somehow a week has passed since our angel Harry was born sleeping, a week has passed since he was last held close to my chest and I cuddled him like there was no tomorrow. Even though tomorrow came and went I have held on tight to that memory of holding him in so close.

There is so much emotion, thoughts and feelings that are almost brimming over to be written down but I am not ready to put them down on paper blog paper yet. I am not ready to part with those thoughts, like I want to protect them and hold them in close as that is my link to Harry. Does that make sense?

The feelings are so raw still, my body still very much going through the post natal stage, still acting as though there is a baby here. Every hormone mixes with grief and it makes time stand still. So while time has passed and we are one week on, Daddy Lloyd and I are still very much in that hospital room with Harry cuddled between us.

We have been humbled by the love and support that has come from everyone, you all know who you are. I may never be able to thank you all enough personally but I want everyone to know that everything that you have said and done has been so kind and so thoughtful. At times our grief has felt so isolating but a message of support helps us realise we are not going through this alone. That Harry and the rest of Team Lloyd are loved. Love is keeping us going.

About louise

One member of Team Lloyd, Sharing our expat tales and adventures, loves photography and capturing "that moment" Currently can be found in the sunshine, Southern California.

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23 thoughts on “One Week On

  • Liz Weston aka @TheLizWeston

    Beautifully written – the four of you are all so very loved. You are still in our thoughts. It makes total sense to want to hold on to everything Harry related, just for yourself and your family. Whilst it has been just one week, it must feel like an eternity to you, without Harry. I’m still lost for words. I’m so sorry that this has happened. With much love, L x

  • Jo & Dan

    Dear Team Lloyd
    We’ve been trying to write you a card for the last week and it just won’t come…
    There are no words.
    No words to justify the pain you’re going through and no words to explain the sadness we feel for you…
    Just know that you are truly loved

  • Tracy

    Lou that is so beautifully written it has made me cry again…..Think about you everyday and you guys are never far from my thoughts. Still cant think of the right words to say to you all apart from that you are all doing so very well. You keep everything to yourself until you are ready to release them. My ear is always here for bending as are my arms for hugs. Lots of love dude x x x x x

  • Missy

    Such a beautifully written post.
    I am so, so sorry for your loss.
    I know there is nothing I can say that will take away the pain you are feeling, but you are always in my thoughts and I am sending you all lots of love at this heartbreaking time. xxxxxxx

  • Jo & Dan

    Dear Team Lloyd
    We have been trying to write you a card for over a week but the words won’t come…
    There are no words to do justice to the pain you’re feeling.
    No words to express the sadness we feel.
    Just know that you are loved very much

  • Mummy Plum

    You have been in my thoughts all week. I so wish that things had been different for you. It is such a sad, sad situation. I am so glad you got the chance to hold Harry, cuddle him, and share precious moments together. x

  • Paula O

    Louise and family. Just to let you know that you are in our thoughts. Can’t imagine what you must be going through – so pleased that you have lots of love and support at this time. xxxx

  • Carolyn Davis

    We love you, Team Lloyd, and we’ve been thinking about you and grieving with you this past week. I hope you’re feeling all the hugs I’ve been willing across the pond to you. Sending you all our happiest thoughts. Stay strong! xoxoxoxoxo

  • Emi Darnton

    Louise, I have been so touched by your enthusiasm with Baby Signing Mummy that I feel like I know you. I am so so sorry to hear of your profund loss, it brings a tear to my eyes and a hard, dry lump to my throat (nothing I know in comparison to how you are feeling). My thoughts are with you, Emi x (Little Signers)

  • Nat Pattison

    Hi Louise. You are being so brave sharing any of these feelings at all and everything you have blogged makes perfect sense. I can’t believe a week has passed by already. You are always in or thoughts. Just get through this awful time together. Big cuddles for you all. Team Pattison xxx xxx xxx

  • Laura

    I can’t even imagine the pain you are going through, I wish words were enough to make it better but they are not. There seems no rhyme or reason as to why baby Harry was not allowed to stay for longer and I’m so sorry for your loss. If I can help at all please don’t hesitate although I am sure you have plenty of help and support. Just remember you are all loved so very much and Harry will be in your hearts forever and nothing can take that away xxxx

  • Bridie

    When everything else is taken away, love is all there is left. And you are loved – by so many. Some of us can’t find the right words to say, but we think of you and cry with you and want to ease your sorrow and pain.

    Blessings and love to you all.

    J and B xx xx

  • Suzanne Whitton

    You guys are doing the right thing, hanging in two treasured memories, that you will always share and hold close to your hearts. There is no rush to get anything down on paper. Keep it a private moment until you feel ready. Lots of emotions, thinking of you x x

  • Ruth

    Such a beautifully written post. I’m so sorry that I’ve only just seen this news now as we’ve been away. I don’t know what to say, other than I’m thinking of and praying for you. xx

  • Roberta

    Oh Louise, I’m so saddened to have only just discovered this tragic news and want to apologise for not writing sooner.. I can’t believe I’ve missed this, the last I saw was legoland and red arrows post…

    Oh my God.
    I can’t find the right words, I am so amazed you managed to write what you did above.

    I’m struggling to offer the right words, so please just accept mylove. Lots and lots of it and support for you, Kevin and Bella and those precious moments with your Harry.

    You’re all in my thoughts xxx

  • Lucy Melling

    Dear Louise

    I’ve found out about your tragic news as I was going to write to you following britmums live! on behalf of a client. All that now feels so irrelevant. I’m so sad to hear of your loss. I have a little boy Harry who’s the light of my life and I simply can’t imagine how dreadful it must have been to have to say goodbye before you’d had a chance to welcome your Harry properly into the world. I always felt I knew who my children were before they were born and, if you felt that way too, I hope there’s some comfort for you in having had the opportunity to spend such special and intimate time with him during your pregnancy. My thoughts are with you and your family and I hope you gather strength and support from each other’s love. Lucy x