I think it is fair to say that this little piece of blog space has been some what neglected since May. I very quickly hasten to add, not through a conscious decision of “I will not blog” more of a “Oh, I just can’t put how I feel into words right now, I try again tomorrow”
It has all been wrapped up in the emotions of Harry Lloyd’s one year anniversary – I wanted to try so very hard to not get caught up in having an “anniversary” as such that I kept busy, so busy that I didn’t allow myself much time for anything! Then as last Thursday approached we as a Team spoke loads about what we think Harry is up to right now. B Lloyd had many lovely ideas of how Harry might spend his days playing in the clouds.
We decided to go away for the weekend, just the three of us, and it was whilst we were away that we all realised that we have survived this year. We not only have survived but we are starting to heal. Last year we thought our lives were going to change, like all expectant parents, we thought we were about to have a newborn in our lives again. When that never came I think for most of the last 12 months Daddy Lloyd and I have been waiting, waiting for that big change to still come. When it doesn’t it makes you constantly feel like you are looking for that change, when is it about to hit? It makes you question everything. We wanted our lives to change, and although it did, it was not in way that we wanted to accept. We didn’t want to be parents of a stillborn. We didn’t want to be grieving parents. But we were. We are.
Our new normal is such a different place to where we envisaged our lives being, but we have learnt so much, come so far, and all because of Harry. We want Harry’s Legacy to continue, we love him and we want to remember him and use his memory to help others, other parents that today could be exactly where we were this time last year. There is hope, there is life after going through the most traumatic of experiences. Grief is not easy, in fact it bloody sucks, and no I don’t think I’m “through it”, but I think that tunnel is getting shorter, and its definitely lighter, and there is hope. A lot of hope.
Most of you know by now I am a huge supporter of Saying Goodbye, not only a huge supporter but also proud to be apart of their team, proud to be able to help other parents, and proud to be able to fundraise in Harry Lloyd’s name. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the dedicated help of Saying Goodbye. Two very special ladies know exactly how they have helped me to heal and it’s down to the charity that has been made possible.
I decided back in May that for Harry’s anniversary I wanted to do something positive, and help raise funds for Saying Goodbye. So during our annual holiday to Swanage this year, we are going to be doing a sponsored 10 miles walk to Old Harry Rock (couldn’t think of any better tribute to our little baby boy) and I would be ever so grateful if you would consider sponsoring not only me, but the whole of Team Lloyd. So me, Daddy Lloyd, B Lloyd and even Nanna and Grandad Gibbs will be joining us on this hike! So come rain, wind or shine on Tuesday 27th August we will be walking (all day if that’s how long it takes!) 10 miles and remembering Harry with every step we take.
Please help me make Harry’s Legacy one that in turns helps every other parent that finds themselves in a world of change, just not the change they expected. You can find my sponsor page over at MyDonate here. Please even a pledge of a £1 will make all the difference.