Tonight was a bit of a test really, and I wasn’t going to blog about it but it’s a bit of a breakthrough for me. It kinda shows how suddenly finding myself In The Kitchen might actually cure me of some old demons as well as my current ones.
You see Daddy Lloyd is out tonight. Out at a work thing being all boss like and important. For me today has been long, and a tiny bit lonely, which I knew it would be so I have done little jobs here and there and obviously have had B Lloyd’s company post school. It’s hard on days like today not to let my mind wonder and while I have no formal counselling on the horizon I am pretty much trying to navigate staying in denial and keeping myself busy to try and cope with my grief.
Normally on a night when Daddy Lloyd wouldn’t be home until late, I would snuggle up on the sofa, and spend the evening on Twitter (yes please do come and follow me!) or Facebook and eventually thinking I should try and eat something and hitting the “Send Me Food” button on Dominos.
For most of the day I have tried not to think about food otherwise I could have stepped over into control freak stage and decided I didn’t need to eat at all. So I am incredibly proud of having done bedtime and storytime with B Lloyd, walked into the living room and turned right. (This in case you wondered means I walked into the Kitchen)
Lord Jamie joined me there, and together we created Dinner for 1; Steamed Salmon with Tomato Basil Couscous.
Again, it might seem simple but I had a sense of purpose when I was cooking, and I felt proud. Proud that it might only be a small step into the kitchen from the living room, but that I took that route rather than the left turn into despair.