Another Week Passes 9

I haven’t posted since last week and that was not a conscious decision at all, just the days have passed and I have found ourselves at Friday already. In a very strange way the week has flown past, yet mid week I hit a massive wave of grief and emotion and I felt completely lost at sea. (Again).

Today I woke up with a glimmer of land in the horizon and we are back into calmer waters, I know now there is no pattern to this grief, and I just have to ride out these waves when they come crashing over me. I was considering all these things whilst sat watching B Lloyd at her swimming lesson this morning and thinking to myself that I wanted to blog today. At that moment my phone beeped and I had an email from a relative, within seconds of starting to read it I was in tears.

The tears weren’t my current devastated sobbing type tears, my eyes were leaking due to my heart being so touched by what I was reading, that someone else was reaching out and wanting to do something in memory of Harry. I’m not going to go into detail right now as I think it deserves it own post once I have had chance to speak with her more, but just reading it this morning gave me such a lift. Such a positive lift that it has helped me get through today and helped calm those waters around me.

This week I have really tried to give B Lloyd an enjoyable week to look back on, this has after all been her her summer holidays, and she has been so brave too. So we have hardly stopped. I am trying to ignore the guilt I am feeling that she has suffered during these holidays. With a swimming lesson every morning this week, we have also visited London, been on double decker buses, marvelled at Hamleys, seen the sights, been to Salisbury to visit Uncle CC and Aunty Mel, walked our butts off around the town, been out to dinner, made tents in the living room, watched Scooby Doo (several million times) been to the library to complete the Story Lab Challenge, read lots of books, played being Uncle Phil (Mister Maker) (recycling has found a whole new level in this house this week) and found time to do some cooking too.

Tomorrow we are off to Swanage for a week, it’s been booked in as our holiday for a year, And B Lloyd is beyond excited so I am hoping that she will look back on the summer holidays with some lovely memories of at least the last two weeks.

As an aid to my memory I just want to record here what I over heard her telling a little boy last week when he asked whether she had any brothers or sisters, she at first replied no. Then she looked over at me and Daddy Lloyd and said

“Well I did. I did have a baby brother, he was in my Mummy’s tummy but he was really poorly. He was too poorly to live like you and me so he had to go to heaven. So my brother’s in heaven.”

No words were said between Daddy Lloyd and I, but you could hear our hearts swelling with pride, but breaking at the same time.


About louise

One member of Team Lloyd, Sharing our expat tales and adventures, loves photography and capturing "that moment" Currently can be found in the sunshine, Southern California.

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9 thoughts on “Another Week Passes

  • Kel

    You are doing so well hun, you have continued to do stuff with B and she is definitely growing into a beautiful young lady to be proud of! Her statement made me melt, so beautifully put.

    PLease don’t feel guilty, B will look back and think of all the times she had over the summer, not just the sad times, the bus trip, the rice crispies, the swimming!

    Enjoy your holiday!

  • Joanne

    wow cool trophy! My two are part way through the challenge .. I’m not sure I have room for two trophies!!

    sometimes I think we forget for our children especially when we work, they go to school and the days just fly by … being with each other uninterpreted is the biggest treat of all. Have a fab hols 🙂 Love Swanage 🙂

    • louise Post author

      Thank you Joanne, it’s been so hard not to feel guilty but I know she has done loads! We didn’t get to keep that trophy, think that’s the library one that you get to have your picture taken with 🙂

      • Joanne

        Sadly I think we end up spending most of our lives feeling guilty … but I KNOW that B thinks your bloody awesome and she will always be proud to call you “mummy” and although this is an awful time she will look back and remember how strong you have been. And most all of she will know how loved and wanted herself and H are …. so many children don’t have that. You are K have done a fabulous job 🙂

        We all love you xxx